Earth Needs Bruce Willis

I bought a helmet and plan to watch the Perseid meteor showers the next few nights. The Earth is passing through space debris left by the comet, Swift-Tuttle, named after the two astronomers who identified it in 1862. The comet crosses Earth’s orbit every 133 years, and in the year 3044 it will be perilously close. The comet is about the same size as the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs.

In the 1998 movie, Armageddon, Bruce Willis and a handful of other movie stars rocketed to an asteroid that was headed for Earth. Mr. Willis detonated a nuclear device that split the asteroid in half, saving us all. Even though his character sacrificed himself for the greater good (can’t get much greater good than saving Earth) Mr. Willis’s roles in a long career of action movies convince me that he has the moxy to actually pull off this feat in 3044.

Therefore, I am formally requesting that Bruce Willis cryogenically freeze himself sometime before his mental and physical faculties deteriorate so that he may be reanimated before a possible devastating impact in the future. Mr. Willis, the people of Earth need you!

On a less dramatic note, hopefully the full moon this weekend won’t overpower the streaking trails of the Perseid showers. The brighter the trail, the bigger the piece of “falling” debris burning up in our atmosphere.

Here’s my description of a similar meteorite from Church of the God Particle, except this meteorite didn’t fall naturally:

The night sky flared with the incendiary brightness of a dozen full moons. Streetlights shut off as pinkish purple light flooded the cityscape. Out of the sky glow emerged a fireball, its lavender tail sizzling from the stratosphere. Descending in the west, it punctured a few sparse clouds and blazed out of sight below the horizon.

Mr. Willis—Let me know if you’d like to be frozen for the good of mankind. I have some space in my garage where you wouldn’t be disturbed.